Performance Review: Mario Management
by Rally Strange
Summary: Evelyn Gainer is part of P. R. O. V. E., an organization that reviews and critiques people, places and their surroundings. But Evelyn always gets the short end of the stick and her stay at the Mushroom Kingdom will be anything but easy...it's mostly weird...really, really weird
1. Chapter 1: Meet Evelyn of P R O V E

Performance Review: Mario Management

"All of you, come on, hurry! She'll be here any minute!" Princess Peach called out. Multiple Toads, good natured Koopas and Lakitas rushed around a large, open part of the castle. The room was very long, with a red rug stretching the entire length of it and an enormous table in the center. It was decorated with white and pink decorations. A Lakita swooped down and grabbed a Toad who was trying unsuccessfully to pin up a banner. The Lakita brought him up and he managed to get it where it needed to be. But then, forgetting that he did not have a magical floating cloud, let go. The Toad screamed as he fell down and crashed into a pile of Koopas. Princess Peach moaned and shook her head, massaging the bridge of her nose.

"Princess? Who did you say was going to be here?" One certain Toad asked, tugging on Princess Peach's dress a bit.

"Just hold that thought." Peach said, holding a finger down to the mushroom person. "You! Green Koopa! Would you quit bouncing back and forth? You aren't getting anything done like that! Seriously, just stick out your arms or legs and slow yourself down!" Peach demanded of a Koopa across the room. "Now what did you want?" Princess peach asked, glancing down at the Toad.

"I'm sorry to bother you like this, but I was just asking who was coming soon?" Toad asked curiously. Princess Peach watched a Pair of Lakitas struggling to get another section of the banner to stay on the wall.

"A hammer! Use a freaking hammer, we literally have them laying around the kingdom!" Peach called out. "Go mug a Hammer Bro. if worst comes to worse!" Peach called out.

"Princess?" The Toad asked tentatively.

"One second!" Princess peach snapped. The Toad recoiled a bit, frightened by her tone of voice. Princess Peach continued to bark orders at her subjects, trying to get the place to look perfect. A Toad with Blue circles on his head came hurrying up to Princess Peach.

"My Princess?" He asked.

"What is it? How is the cake coming?" Peach asked.

"Uh…about that…we're out of flour." The Toad said, glancing to the side. Princess peach sighed.

"Of course. Go grab some coins, run into Toad Town and go buy some. And hurry!" Peach shouted. The blue Toad jumped and he nodded vigorously.

"Yes, my princess, right away!" He said and scurried off. Peach looked around the room with was painfully, slowly being pulled together. And the other thing was that Mario was not even here yet. Where could that fat plumber even be? Peach sighed again.

"Princess?" The red Toad asked. Princess peach sighed.

"Evelyn gainer, alright? Just remember that name, Evelyn Gainer." Princess Peach said. The Toad nodded. Peach got rather irritable when she was stressed. She needed to get this Toad out of her face.

"Thank you-" The Toad started to say, but Princess Peach interrupted.

"Actually, I think I might have a special job for you." Princess Peach said, kneeling down to his level.

"Really?"

"Yeah, do you think you could go out to the front of the castle and stand there?" Princess Peach asked.

"Just stand there?" Toad asked. "That does not seem that important." The Toad said.

"Really? You always just stand there. You always wait in little houses off the main path, just waiting for Mario to come buy for you to sell stuff to him. You stand in the corner of a castle, the middle of a mansion, you stand around for entire…My point is, all you do is stand around and wait." Peach said, starting to grow impatient once again. The Toad could sense this. He nodded in understand.

"Yes, I get it now, thank you." He said. He turned and he hurried away, Princess peach watching him out the door of the room. She turned around just in time to see a Lakita slip and fall off of his cloud, grabbing onto the banner to save himself. He accidently tore down a few sections in the process. Princess peach sighed. Nothing ever seemed to go smoothly in this place.

-O-O-Fancy Transition-O-O-

Evelyn Gainer was a woman who worked for Performance Reviewers of Various Entities or P. R. O. V. E. for short. She had black hair that was often pulled back into a messy pony tail with two strands hanging down on either side of her face. She wore rectangular red glasses on her face. Her face seemed to be almost too perfect, but that is how it was. She just had a cute face and was all around, extremely good looking. But she never really cared or took any time to go man-hunting. She had work that had to get done. She brushed some lint off of her black pants, doing her best to look professional. She had a thin purple pen set behind her ear and she had a wooden clip board sitting next to her with a paper held down by the plastic yellow clip. She leaned against the tinted window of P. R. O. V. E.'s official limousine, watching the terrain fly passed the window. She felt like she had been staring at the exact same landscape for hours. She sighed and scooted forward, leaning towards where the driver was.

"Hey, Tanner? Where are we now?" Evelyn asked the driver. The driver, without turning around glanced down at a GPS device.

"We should be entering the Mushroom Kingdom right about now." The driver, Tanner, said. Evelyn raised her eye brow. She had heard the name before, but she had never actually been here before. She was supposed to be taken to the castle to meet with Princess Peach and explain what she was there for. Evelyn scoffed. Things never happened like that. Some freak of a super villain would burst down the door and before long, Evelyn would be sucked away into some crazy adventure with someone she hardly knew. It would not be the first time for her. In fact, it seemed to happen quite often. She heard a familiar beeping from the front of the limousine and she knew that it was times up and the ride was over.

"Are we here?" Evelyn asked as the limo slowly started to lose speed.

"Yes, we are." Tanner said, nodding towards the window. Evelyn turned and sure enough, sitting right outside the window was a towering castle with tall red spires and a majestic moat surrounding it. Evelyn raised a skeptical eyebrow. Everything looked too perfect. The trees were all trimmed the exact same way looking thin and puffy, a waterfall sounding off in the near distance. Evelyn took her eyes away from the perfect scene and glanced at her clip board. She flipped up a few pages and looked at who her host would be. There was a picture with a description listed next to it. Hair color: Yellow, eye color: blue, height: 5'6" and a few other basic things were listed next to the picture of Princess Toadstool. Evelyn flipped the papers down over top of the picture. Princess Peach looked way too frilly for her taste. The limo wheeled around the castle and drove along the yellow, dirt road at a safe speed. The car moved along, creeping up to a stone bridge that led to the entrance of the castle. Evelyn looked out and she grabbed the pen behind her ear.

"First offense," She said, speaking as she wrote. "A bridge that leads to the castle that cannot be closed off in case of attack." She wrote.

"Oh come on, don't be so harsh this time." Tanner said, pulling up to a stop. Evelyn snickered.

"It's my job to be harsh! Hyrule was bad enough, but this place looks even worse." Evelyn said, reaching out to open the door. She grabbed the handle and bid Tanner good bye. He pulled it, but the door would not open and Evelyn had already started leaning into it. She knocked her head of the glass and gasped shortly in pain.

"Oh, sorry, I must have forgotten to unlock it." Tanner said with a snort. Evelyn sighed and after the doors had been unlocked she reached again for the handle and she clicked the door open. The door swung wide and she stepped down out of the car, squinting in the sudden brightness of the sun.

"Whoa!" She heard a voice yell from below her. She jumped back suddenly, taken aback by what she saw.  
"What in the-what ARE you?!" She called out, backing away towards the limo. She was looking down at some smiling creature that wore a blue shirt that was parted in the middle and diaper-like pants with two brown shoes. But the strangest thing about this little person was probably the massive, round fungus that seemed to be sprouting from the top of its head. It was all white except for four red circles that were positioned around its head.

"I'm Toad! You must be Ms. Gainer?" The little fungus man asked. Evelyn glanced at Tanner as if for some support or advice, but receiving none, she straightened herself up, reached into the limo to grab her clip board and shut the limousine door with a click. Tanner pulled away, leaving Evelyn standing there, looking down at the rather strange person…or whatever it was. She cleared her throat. She flipped through a few of her papers until she found a page with a description of one called Toad.

"Oh, okay." She said to herself, still slightly disturbed by the little person. She had found the page with a picture of Toad and in his description it read that he was Princess Peach's stewardess. He must have been sent out here to meet and escort her into the castle.

"Are you alright, Miss?" Toad asked. Evelyn cleared her throat once more and she looked up from her papers, pushing one of the black strands of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine, I was just checking on…you…thing. Okay, never mind, I assume that you're here to escort me to Princess Peach…" She paused to check for the little guy's name again. "…Toad?" Evelyn asked. Toad smiled and he nodded.

"Yes, just follow me! We're off to the castle!" He said excitedly, causing Evelyn to jerk back. The little guy was a little excitable. He started off towards the castle doors across the bridge and Evelyn followed along, crossing over the flowing moat. But suddenly, she heard a strange buzzing above her. Evelyn looked up and she cocked her eyebrow at what she saw. It looked like a…turtle? Riding on a…what was that, a cloud?

"What the hell?" Evelyn asked, shrugging her arms up. Toad paused and glanced back at her. The cloud riding turtle floated around and he seemed to be carrying a camera on a fishing pole. He swooped down and he circled around Evelyn.

"Good afternoon." The turtle said. Things never failed to get weird for Evelyn. What was weirder is the fact that the people who lived in this freaky world DID NOT find any of this weird. A turtle. Riding a cloud. With a camera on a fishing pole. Yep, it was already shaping up to be quite an interesting Performance review. The turtle went on. "The Lakita Bros., here, reporting from just outside the princess's castle. Evelyn has just arrived on the scene and we'll be filming the-"

"Do you always greet your guests like this? Shoving a camera in their face?" Evelyn asked, her clipboard held at her side.

"Uh…well, sort of…I don't know, it's just what I do." The Lakita Bro said.

"Mhm…and you just follow them around? Wherever they go?" Evelyn asked.

"Not to sound like a complete and utter creeper, but I suppose." The Lakita Bro said, his camera dropping.

"Uh huh." Evelyn said, bringing up her clipboard and grabbing her pen.

"What are you writing down?"

"Zero privacy as well as openly and blatantly spying on guests…is it to even see if they are a threat?" Evelyn asked. The Lakita Bro shook his head and Evelyn scribbled away. The Lakita Bro glanced over at Toad.

"Okay, well, I'll just be filming from back here then…" The Lakita Bro said, floating away. Evelyn walked up to Toad.

"Alright, now you can take me to Princess Peach please." Evelyn said and Toad started off hesitantly towards the doors again. Evelyn tucked her pen away behind her ear and returned her clip board to her side. They traveled over the arching bridge and came up to two doors with golden handles. Toad hopped up to reach on knob and turned it, swing the door open for Evelyn. Then, thanking Toad, they both traveled inside, Toad hurrying to lead the way.


	2. Chapter 2: Magic Pipes

**Yeah, Been really, really, really busy these past few months, but I'll be cranking out chapters as fast as I can...  
'suppose I should have some disclaimer thing about how I don't own any of this apart from Evelyn U. Gainer and P. R. O. V. E. ...then again, its fan fiction, none of us own any of this...enjoy Chapter 2...the last peaceful chapter in this thing :P**

Chapter 2

Toad led Evelyn through the castle, up some stairs, across some hall, through some doors and past some paintings. They wandered all around Princess Peach's castle it seemed before they finally reached their destination. Toad went up to the door to the room and he knocked three times. Inside, Princess Peach gasped. There were still a few things not ready. She turned to a couple of Koopas standing by.

"You four, go sit on the pedestals that are missing plants, try to make it look like it's supposed to be that way." Peach said. The Koopas glanced at each other and shrugged, scurrying over to where the princess wanted them. Peach cleared her throat. "Come in!" She called out sweetly. "Look professional." Peach hissed at everyone in the room. The door swung open and Evelyn and Toad stepped into the decorated room and Evelyn's eye instinctively started glancing off one thing or another. Peach's eye twitched, hoping beyond hope that she would not notice the few details that had not been refined. She would so much less tense if Mario was here.

"You must be Princess Peach?" Evelyn said, extending her hand. Peach nodded taking the hand.

"Yes, Ms. Gainer, that's me and on behalf of the entire kingdom, I'd like to welcome you. And we've even prepared an extraordinary meal just for your arrival!" Peach said. "It should be out…shortly." Peach said, hoping that it would be. Peach and the rest of the room's inhabitance all hurried around, taking their seats.

"Come with me, Miss!" Toad said, pulling on Evelyn's hand. She unintentionally, pulled it away when he touched her hand. She still found the little guy…strange…very, very strange. Toad escorted Evelyn and Princess Peach to their seats towards the top of the table. All of the Toads, Koopas and Lakitas got to their own conversations, chatting away. Peach turned towards Evelyn.

"So, what exactly is it that you are here to do?" Princess Peach asked. Evelyn cleared her throat to deliver her usual run down.

"Well, I am here to evaluate your kingdom runs, a few things about the residents here and list any problems that I see throughout the place. You can all just go about your normal lives while I'm here, you won't even know that I'm here." Evelyn said. Peach smiled.

"Let's hope our lives aren't as 'normal' during your stay." Princess Peach said with a laugh. Evelyn laughed a bit to be polite, but was not very sure what it was she was laughing about. The two of them sat and they chatted for a bit as did the Toads and the Koopas all around the dining hall.

"I would very much like to meet one person in particular." Evelyn mentioned at one point.

"Oh?" Peach asked, although she knew exactly what she would say.

"Yes, this uh…" Evelyn paused to check her paper on her clip board. "Mario, your…plumber? He's your plumber? Wow, he must have had one HECK of a plumber training course…" Evelyn said glancing over a few things on the page. "…looks like a communist…" She mumbled to herself, noting his hat and mustache. Princess Peach cleared her throat.

"Yes, he's a very nice person, but he can be a little lazy with times, he late quite a bit." Princess Peach said. Evelyn resisted the urge to write that down on her clip board. She reminded herself to be a bit more forgiving.

"Well, as soon as he arrives, I would very much like to meet him." Evelyn said.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll arrive here shortly. He never fails to show up." Princess peach said. She felt a small tugging on her dress and she glanced down to see a Toad looking up her.

"Princess?" She asked timidly. She snarled a bit.

"If you tell me that there is anything wrong with the meal, so help me…" Princess peach said. "This is one time we can't mess up; she's going to report every slip up."

"Uh…We're out of strawberries for the cake." The Toad said. Peach sat back in her chair, her head lolling back before she let in slap down on the table with a moan. Evelyn glanced around for a second.

"Uh, are you alright Princess Peach?" Evelyn asked. Peach waved a gloved hand.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." She said, a bit shortly. She leaned down to the Toad once more. "You guys are useless, go find some! Mario had an entire party game in a cake factory in his second party, go get some there!" Peach said. The Toad nodded and she hurried off. Peach sat up and folded her hands, becoming professional once again.

"Is everything alright?" Evelyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, it is, there was just a slight delay on the meal, that's all." Princess Peach explained, biting her lip. Evelyn could tell she was lying, but paid it not much attention. Peach prayed that Mario would arrive soon. Then, as if her prayers were answered, she heard a familiar _Budum-budum-budum_ sound from across the room by the pedestals that the Koopas were sitting on. All of the Toads stopped their chattering and Peach looked in the direction with a smile on her face. A wide green pipe started rising from the ground, sliding up from nothing.

"Ya-hoo!" Called an echoing voice from within the pipe. Suddenly, there was a flash of red and blue, a short, chubby figure launched itself out from within the pipe, doing multiple flip. The figure landed on the ground with grace, flipping off his hat and twirling around. "It's-a me, Mario!" he said, tossing his cap back on.

"Mario!" All of the room's inhabitance shouted in unison. Peach sighed in relief.

"It's about time." She said with a smile.  
"Where did that thing come from?" Evelyn asked, tilting her head. She did not know if the rest of the people…creatures witnessed a green pipe coming out of the ground magically. All of the Toads and Koopas rushed to be the first to greet the famed Mario. Princess peach made her way calmly through her subjects, making her way to Mario. She shoved passed a green shelled Koopa and stepped up to greet Mario.

"Hi Mario, I'm so glad you could make it!" Peach said and they embraced each other in a hug. Meanwhile, Evelyn was struggling to keep pace with Princess Peach, stepping over a Toad and almost falling on a Koopa. When she reached where Mario and Peach were hugging, she raised an eyebrow in disgust.

"You do realize that he just came out of a sewage pipe, right?" Evelyn asked. "That aside, where the hell does this sewage pipe lead? Your plumbing must be horrendous!" Evelyn said, grabbing her pen from behind her ear and taking down the note of mysterious appearing pipes as well as Princess Peach not caring much at all about hygiene. Mario and Peach finished up and Peach turned towards Evelyn, who was still looking around at the pipe.

"Evelyn, I would like to introduce you to the one and only Mario." Princess Peach said, the Toads and Koopas all still gathering in around them. Evelyn looked at him up and down.

"Uh huh…Well, nice to meet you." Evelyn said, holding out a reluctant hand.

"It's-a my pleasure!" Mario said heartily, slapping his hand into hers.

"Ew…" She murmured to herself, imagining what that hand must have had to drag through. Mario twirled around and faced the large crowd.

"Alright everyone, let's-a make this girl feel-a welcome!" Mario announced and all of the Toads and Koopas cheered their approval.

"He really knows how to hype up a crowd." Evelyn said to Peach. She smiled.

"Oh yes, they absolutely adore him, he saved them so many times, and me too!" Peach said, but then she immediately regretted it. Evelyn looked at Peach.

"Whoa, whoa, _saved_ them? What do you mean, he's a fat plumber?" Evelyn asked suddenly. Peach bit her lip; she knew she should not have mentioned that last bit. She looked around, hoping for an excuse out of this conversation. If only those bumbling Toads could have finished the cake by now…Princess peach just had to stall for a bit of time.

"Alright everyone, we're all excited to have Mario finally here," princess peach started, trying to calm down the crowd a bit. "But let's get back to our seats; the food should be out shortly!" Princess Peach called out to everyone. Evelyn scowled.

"You're dodging my question." She said, folding her arms.

"Please wait a moment Ms. Gainer, I need to get my subjects in order." Peach said sweetly. Evelyn sighed and tossed her hands up. She absolutely hated being ignored. Peach hurried about, giving instructions and chatting with Mario as Evelyn was forced to wait by patiently. She looked up and she saw the Lakitas swooping about up around the ceiling and remembered that Lakita Bro that she had encountered outside. It was a little disturbing that she was being watched, but she had already written that down, she could not give them the same offense twice, P. R. O. V. E.'s company rules. She folded her arms, noticing that all of Peach's subjects getting settled in their places. Princess Peach, out of ideas, made her way slowly back over to Evelyn.

"Would you like to come with me to your seat?" Peach asked, gripping for another stalling tactic. Evelyn scratched the side of her head.

"Nah, I have a couple of questions to ask you first." Evelyn said, raising an eyebrow. Princess Peach bit her lip, glancing towards Mario who was sitting in his chair that was opposite of Evelyn's at the table. He was engaged in a conversation with one of the Toads and Princess Peach really did not want to tell Evelyn about…the not-so-pleasant parts of the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Yes? What, uh…what sort of questions is it that you would like to ask me about my kingdom, the lovely Mushroom Kingdom, of which I preside over." Princess peach said, trying to make her response as long as possible. Evelyn cleared her throat.

"Well, first off, I'd like to ask you about what you said earlier." Evelyn said. Princess peach winced. "You said that Mario has saved your subjects, the Toads and that he's also save you. But my question is saved you all from what exactly?" Evelyn said, twirling her pen between her fingers. Peach licked her lips and she played with hair, straightening her crown and fiddling a bit, delaying her response. Where were those Toads with that stupid cake? How long did it take fro them to get a couple of freaking strawberries?! Peach pushed her hair back. She was out of time and she knew it. She would have to tell Evelyn Gainer everything and risk a bad review for the Mushroom Kingdom…and that could mean anything from extremely heavy fines to a complete inspection and that could result in her being removed from her throne. That would not be very good…at all. Her subjects needed her and she needed them. Then she realized that she had been standing there silently in front of Evelyn for quite a bit. She cleared her throat.

"Okay, alright…It is on rare occasion…very, very rare occasion, that the occasional and complete and utterly unexpected and random crook works his way into the castle to kidnap me and possibly one or more of my subjects." Princess peach said, trying to sound as professional as possible, but Evelyn was not interested in how good Princess Peach could make something bad sound, she just wanted the straight up facts.

"What kind of 'Crooks' exactly? Name them." Evelyn said, eyeing Peach suspiciously. Peach bit her lip. That was the question that she had feared was coming next. Peach cleared her throat, brushed her hands on her dress, clenched her fists, took a deep breath and she finally gave in, resolving herself to speak the name that she detested as much as the next Mushroom Kingdom resident.

"One of the more common crooks that tends to strike here at the heart of the Mushroom Kingdom is known by the name…" Peach said, taking a second to gather herself. She could rule with iron fist when she needed to, but when it came to who she was about to mention, she faded in comparison.

"Yes? Go on." Evelyn urged impatiently, tapping her foot on the ground, glaring at Peach. Peach opened her mouth.

"…B-Oh, look! The cake's done!"

"Good God." Evelyn moaned, rolling her eyes at the timing of things.


	3. Chapter 3: Normal Day

Chapter 3

Evelyn tapped her foot on the ground, impatiently waiting for Princess Peach to finally respond to her question that she asked, seemingly an hour ago. Princess Peach licked her perfectly pink lips and she slowly opened her mouth to respond to the question.

"…B-Oh, look! The cake's done!" Princess Peach shouted, seeing a cluster of Toads all gathered under an enormous and heavy pink cake decorated with strawberries and white, fluffy frosting.

"Good God." Evelyn moaned, tossing her hands in the air. Princess Peach rushed over to the massive cake and Evelyn shuffled her feet after the frilly princess. Evelyn needed to find out what was hidden underneath all of the princess's pink and happy…stuff. She set her pen behind her ear and stepped up next to the princess. Princess peach looked up and down the massive cake. Mario jumped up out of his chair, licking his lips.

"Oh ya!" He said excitedly, clapping his gloved hands together. Evelyn shrugged. The enormous cake did look rather good, but she still had her questions that she wanted answered.

"You have really out done yourself this time, Tayce T.!" Princess Peach commended the Toad who was the chef of this master piece. The Toad known by the name of Tayce T. nodded to her, glad to have the princess's approval. She nodded to the Toads struggling with the cake to try and get it up on the table somehow.

"Princess, do you ever think that we maybe have cake a bit too often? I mean, we've had one for Mario almost every time he's come over." Tayce T. observed. Evelyn, still in her slightly annoyed mood, overheard this and instinctively grabbed her pen and wrote down, _awful dietary routines_, on her clipboard. Princess Peach waved her hand at Tacye T.'s remark.

"Oh, its not every time, you exaggerate." Peach said, noticing Evelyn writing something down. "But let's cut into it, it looks delicious!" Princess Peach said. A Koopa came running up with a knife to cut the cake. But then, just as they started to lower the knife, something happened. There was a low rumbling. It started off small, but then it grew, bigger and louder. Evelyn, Peach, Mario, Tacye T., the other Toads, the Koopas and even the Lakitas above felt it. Evelyn stumbled off balance and grabbed the table for support. Peach clutched a chair as tight as she could.

"Hey! Princess! What exactly is going on?" Evelyn asked, glancing around, a little nervous, but composed. Princess Peach clenched her teeth.

"Nothing, its nothing!" Peach said, stifling a false laugh. She turned towards Tacye T. "If what I think is happening now is happening now, I swear…Just go see how close they are and take defensive measures." Peach snapped at her, even though she was just the chef. Tayce T. nodded and she hurried off, stumbling and falling as she went. The rumbling became so much that it was difficult to stand now.

"Mama mia!" Mario said, flailing his arms to try and keep his balance. Evelyn slipped, sliding part way under the table while trying to keep herself upright. What was going on? But then, in an instant, the rumbling subsided, stopping on a dime. Evelyn breathed a sigh of relief. It must have only been a small earthquake. Peach did not, however, sig anything of relief. She knew what came next ad she knew that Evelyn would not like it. The cake completely exploded, smoke rising from the top. There was a high pitched squeal and something that Evelyn was not familiar with leaped out of the top. It was small, looking like a Koopa, but with a spiked shell different head. Evelyn looked at Peach and pointed, her face confused. Peach sighed and let her face fall into her hand, shaking her head slightly upon seeing who it was.

"Bowser Jr." Princess Peach sighed. Evelyn, still confused by what the little thing was, turned her attention back to it. Mario stood ready with a defensive stance. He laughed mischievously, his eyes flickering from the cowering Toads to Mario to Peach.

"Who's your new friend, she's pretty, maybe I'll take her too." Bowser Jr. said with a smirk. Peach sighed again.

"Please, can you come back another time?" Peach begged, not even bothering to look up.

"Another time?" Bowser Jr. laughed again. "You know what they say, there's no time like the present."

"Sure the is, there's some time in the distant future…the _very_ distant future."

"Well, I'm here right now, I think that we might as well just get it over with, don't you think?"

"Am I the only one wondering how he got into that cake? Especially considering that those little mushroom people just baked it? I'm writing down _God awful security measures within castle walls_." Evelyn said, going to write it down on her notepad. Peach gave another long sigh, noticing Evelyn writing on her clip board out the corner of her eye. She shook her head and then she went on trying to negotiate with Bowser Jr.

"Please, I know you just want to grab me and go, but please, just this once." Princess Peach pleaded. Evelyn thought over how little control Peach had over this situation despite her being the main monarchy…that in mind, where _was _the king and queen anyway? After all, she was only _Princess_ Peach. Bowser Jr. smirked at Peach's remark.

"Oh don't worry; I'm not the one grabbing you this time. Let them fly!" Bowser Jr. called out as loud as he could. For a moment, it looked like nothing was happening and Evelyn noted how Mario did nothing but stand there while this turtle-thing made threats at his princess. Unbeknownst to the residents inside the castle, a rather large Bullet Bill had been fired at their very locations. It rocketed fast and straight, coming straight fro the castle wall, soaring passed the waterfall. Peach, the Toads, Evelyn and Mario were all blown back by an enormous concussive blast that absolutely shattered and destroyed the wall of the dining hall. Chaos broke out. The Toads, Koopas and Lakitas all panicked and started running around, unsure what to do, trying to escape. There was an enormous looming, wooden airship hovering just outside of the massive gap in the wall. It moved closer, its crew hidden from sight. A giant mechanical hand came up from the ship and it shot towards Princess Peach. I snatched her in its grasp and it started to reel her to the ship. Mario no longer stood by. He sprang into action, running straight towards the mechanical hand. He jumped up and he pulled back a fist, ready to strike the mechanical monster. But suddenly, he was blown back. Bowser Jr. stood there smugly staring at Mario.

"Mama mia!" Mario cried out, struggling to get up from the floor as he lie on his back.

"The major reason that I was sent here ahead of everyone else was just in case you decided to try anything funny." Bowser Jr. said with a vicious smile. Mario assumed a defensive stance as Bowser Jr. jumped, charging at Mario. Mario sprinted at him and he jumped at the last moment, landing on the other side. Bowser Jr. stopped on a dime and he spun around, darting at Mario. Bowser Jr. rammed Mario, knocking him back and causing him to shrink in size for some reason. Mario rolled over his head, recovering quickly. Mario sprinted at Bowser Jr. jumping, once, twice and finally bounding into the air doing multiple front flips. He pounced down on Bowser Jr., causing him to call out in pain. Mario gripped the small spikes on his back and he hefted the turtle-like thing into the air. Mario slammed him down on his back and he stepped away. But Bowser Jr. would not go down that easily. He was back on his feet a second later, steaming in a rage. Bowser Jr. produced a green Koopa shell and he pulled back, firing it straight at Mario. He leaped sideways, flipping out of the way once more. He controlled himself so that he was able to land down on the Koopa shell at a perfect angle that stopped its spinning furry. Mario picked it up the instant he landed on it and he jumped back into the air. He flipped around and he kicked the shell as hard as he could, launching it right back at Bowser Jr. Bowser Jr., unable to react quick enough, caught his breath as the shell hit him at full force, knocking him on his back once more. Mario did not miss a beat. Living up to his nickname of "Jumpman," Mario launched himself into the air once more to deliver a final blow to Bowser Jr. Bowser Jr. saw this coming and he instinctively recoiled into his shell, his sharp spikes sticking up. Mario gasped and he was forced to land elsewhere, his fist slamming hard onto the brick floor. He looked up and saw that Peach had already been taken up and onto the floating airship and he pursed his lips.

"Mario!" She called out for help. Meanwhile, Evelyn was still sitting on the ground from when she had been blown back from the explosion, looking around, bewildered.

"She doesn't even have an army to defend the castle in case of attacks?! Oh, this is DEFINITELY going at the top of the list…" Evelyn said, writing quickly on her clipboard. Bowser Jr. came out from under his shell and charged once more at Mario, trying to catch him off guard. Mario was able to jump once more into the air, back flipping out of harms way. Mario landed, but Bowser Jr. was already ahead of him. Bowser Jr. shot at him, ramming into him at full force, causing Mario to flail his arms and flip up into the air, landing on his back. Bowser Jr. paused and he looked victoriously down at the fallen plumber. Mario did not have the strength to get up.

"Well, it's been fun, but I've got a princess to get back to my dad." Bowser Jr. said with a final smirk. He leaped up and he knocked a Lakita off his floating cloud. He rode the cloud up to the side of the airship and he jumped off onto the deck of the airship.

"No-a!" Mario called out as the airship slowly pulled out of the gaping hole in the castle's wall.

"Catch ya on the flip side loser!" Bowser Jr. called out one last time. The airship started backing away, leaving the castle behind. The Toads and Koopas that were panicking were starting to filter out and away, escaping from the chaos. Mario watched the airship and Princess Peach sailing away and out of his grasp, moving into the blue sky.

"Mario!" Peach called out one final time before she was completely out of earshot. Mario grimaced and he pounded his fist on the ground and he let his head fall next to his arm in the dust and rubble from the destroyed castle wall. Evelyn stepped over the debris of the castle's dining hall, the decorations mostly fallen down by now, writing a series of things down on her clipboard as she went. She lifted her foot and moved it over a torn piece of ribbon lying over a gray brick from the castle wall. Evelyn continued writing as she neared Mario still laying in the scattered rubble.

"Protector unable to…protect…Princess." She read off as she wrote. "Castle design…unable to withstand…even one…attack. Geezus, you guys have got a LOT of things to work on." Evelyn said shaking her head, writing. Noticing that Mario did not react she stopped and leaned over him for a moment. "Mario?" She asked. She knelt down and she poked him with her pen. She tried again, jabbing his head.

"We have-a to go after them." He said, raising his head. Evelyn raised an eyebrow at Mario's statement.

"Ah ha, right…'we'…no, that happened last time, I'm not getting swept into some freak adventure. Look, Peach seemed like a nice person, but this is your gig, not mine. I've got a job to do." Evelyn explained. Mario pushed himself up from the dusty floor and he brushed off his blue overalls. He straightened his red cap. He had done this many times before, but for some reason, he felt as if this random woman could help him. He was not sure why he felt this way, but because he had been able to be defeated by Bowser Jr., he figured that he might be a little bit off his game for some reason.

"Your-a job is to review kingdom, that is what-a you said, right?" Mario asked her. Evelyn nodded.

"That is what I said." She responded.

"Can-a you remind me what-a P. R. O. V. E. stands-a for?" Mario asked, eyeing Evelyn.

"Its stands for Performance Reviewers of Various Entities, gosh dang it! I supposed to review you!" Evelyn said, snarling and slapping her hand to her forehead. She let her head hang moaning. "I need a new job." She fake sobbed into her hand. She readjusted her glasses and ran a hand through her hair. Evelyn stood there with a hand on her cheek, staring off into nothing.

"Alright, let's-a go!" Mario said. "Pack-a your things, we may be gone for a long-a time!" Mario said waving his hand. He ran, jumping over the scattered debris of the castle's fallen wall, heading towards the opening. The short Mario leaped, vaulted and flipped as he went, keeping his eyes on the airship floating off in the distance. Evelyn stepped over the fallen stones, and shuffled through the dust. She also looked out at the airship and she saw how far it already was and she gave a little sigh. It was going to be a long time before they managed to catch up with that thing, no doubt over unnecessarily harsh terrain, passed vicious enemies and whatever else was difficult and dangerous to get through. She clutched her clip board and made sure that her pen was behind her ear and then she started off after the jump-happy fiend Mario.

"Why does this stuff always happen to me?" Evelyn asked the sky, tossing her hands up. She shook her head and she pursed her lips as she followed far behind Mario.


End file.
